I've failed.
I wanted to change the world. I wanted to support people and be a tower of strength in my community for those who it. I've had this pipe dream that as long as I was taking care of others, I too, would be taken care of.
I''m not changing the world. I'm not strong enough to support anyone else.
I can't take care of others if I can't even take care of myself.
I've failed my family.
O broke tonight. He cried, he asked questions, he begged me to take him home. He fell asleep with a death grip around my neck.
I can't tell my kids where we'll be sleeping tomorrow night because I just don't know.
I'm broken and afraid. My heart has shattered into a million pieces, I'll never be the same.
I just hope I have enough in me to get us through this before it causes irreversible damage to the boys.
Showing posts with label house of horrors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label house of horrors. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Splitsville
Tonight, our family splits up as the boys and I head to my mom's house and hubby heads to stay with a friend.
I haven't told the kids yet. Postponing the inevitable breakdown I guess.
N bawls every night at bedtime. He wants to return home and to school. O rolls with the punches, extended sleepovers are just super cool in his sweet little eyes.
Today they tell me there's a lien on the house and they are waiting for the sellers to pay it off. Of course, we know that if these people were willing to let a family live without heat and hot water for 2 months, they're not rushing off to pay this bill that they conveniently forgot to pay up until now.
The buyer tells us that he's sure it'll be taken care of within hours or at most, a day.... but this is the same person that's been telling us "today or tomorrow" for 15 days now.
Staying with my sister and her family has been lovely. Really, I thought it would be stressful and messy but we blended very well into a large family unit for 2 weeks. I've LOVED seeing my sister and nephew every day and I've even gotten over my fear of folding her boyfriend's underwear. I'll miss them.
Just want to go home.
I haven't told the kids yet. Postponing the inevitable breakdown I guess.
N bawls every night at bedtime. He wants to return home and to school. O rolls with the punches, extended sleepovers are just super cool in his sweet little eyes.
Today they tell me there's a lien on the house and they are waiting for the sellers to pay it off. Of course, we know that if these people were willing to let a family live without heat and hot water for 2 months, they're not rushing off to pay this bill that they conveniently forgot to pay up until now.
The buyer tells us that he's sure it'll be taken care of within hours or at most, a day.... but this is the same person that's been telling us "today or tomorrow" for 15 days now.
Staying with my sister and her family has been lovely. Really, I thought it would be stressful and messy but we blended very well into a large family unit for 2 weeks. I've LOVED seeing my sister and nephew every day and I've even gotten over my fear of folding her boyfriend's underwear. I'll miss them.
Just want to go home.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
9 Days
9 days.
We're staying with my sister and her boyfriend who have been absolute saints about sharing their house with 4 extra people. This may have to do with all the cooking I've been doing.
On Friday, I was dismayed to hear that they hadn't closed the house deal because the sellers can't find all the paperwork they need to hand over.
Long weekend. Yesterday, I couldn't raise anyone involved in the deal on the phone.
This morning, they told me it should close today.
And now? Nothing.
No one is answering their phone, no one is returning my emails.
I feel like we're being railroaded and lied to. We can't move on with our lives because we have a new lease that we need to honour. Which basically means if they don't close the deal for another 2 weeks, we still just have to sit and wait because we're still on the hook for another year's worth of rent.
And in the meantime, I sit and feel like an asshole for taking advantage of my sister. I cry when my kids beg me to go home. I get angry when the school threatens to send the truant officer because my kids aren't going to school. I'm bloody furious when I get told "It should be today..." because they've been telling me that for 8 days.
I have a FoodLove event scheduled for this weekend and no way to bake for it. I have a cat at home that could be dead.... how long can cats go without food, water or love?
This is fucking bullshit.
** EDIT: I was able to enter the house on Feb 20 ad check on Momo. She's is a-ok, although more than a little angry with me. Thank goodness!
We're staying with my sister and her boyfriend who have been absolute saints about sharing their house with 4 extra people. This may have to do with all the cooking I've been doing.
On Friday, I was dismayed to hear that they hadn't closed the house deal because the sellers can't find all the paperwork they need to hand over.
Long weekend. Yesterday, I couldn't raise anyone involved in the deal on the phone.
This morning, they told me it should close today.
And now? Nothing.
No one is answering their phone, no one is returning my emails.
I feel like we're being railroaded and lied to. We can't move on with our lives because we have a new lease that we need to honour. Which basically means if they don't close the deal for another 2 weeks, we still just have to sit and wait because we're still on the hook for another year's worth of rent.
And in the meantime, I sit and feel like an asshole for taking advantage of my sister. I cry when my kids beg me to go home. I get angry when the school threatens to send the truant officer because my kids aren't going to school. I'm bloody furious when I get told "It should be today..." because they've been telling me that for 8 days.
I have a FoodLove event scheduled for this weekend and no way to bake for it. I have a cat at home that could be dead.... how long can cats go without food, water or love?
This is fucking bullshit.
** EDIT: I was able to enter the house on Feb 20 ad check on Momo. She's is a-ok, although more than a little angry with me. Thank goodness!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Suddenly Homeless
We moved into a house owned by a slumlord.
Took slumlord to court. Slumlord in turn, took us to court.
Big mess.
Eventually, we agreed to move out at the end of January.
Then we were told the house was sold and we didn't need to move because the new owner was happy for us to stay.
So we stayed. And stayed.
And then the sheriff showed up.
Kicked us out. Locked the door and left my husband, myself and our 2 sweet boys out on the sidewalk.
The house was sold, yes.
We have a lease with the new owner, yes.
But the slumlords? They wanted us out for the 4-5 days it will take to complete the sale.
So we're homeless.
Sleeping on couches.
Crossing our fingers and praying the sale finishes today. Or tomorrow.
Worst week of my life? Yep.
Monday, September 17, 2012
There's Something In The Water
There must be something in the water in Kitchener.
We moved 3 weeks ago. I thought moving was supposed to be stressful and in some ways, it lived up to my expectations. Getting OUT of our old house was stressful. Moving into our new one? It's been the stuff dreams are made of.
Now, the new house has problems. As of this moment we have 3 entry doors and none of them will close properly and therefore, don't lock. We haven't been out of the house as a family in 3 weeks because someone needs to be at home with our stuff. We've had a clogged toilet, were without hot water for 3 days and are still battling the kitty litter that the last tenant (presumably) poured down the tub drain. The floors are so uneven that I've had to shim every single piece of furniture and every window has a problem, it either opens or closes, but it won't do both.
Despite all this, I am calmer, more relaxed and more organized than I have been in my entire life. Case in point: There are 15 loaves of homemade bread cooling on my counter right now, there is a month's worth of school lunch snacks in the freezer and my blog is up-to-date. All our paperwork is filed, I've applied for college and have had time to volunteer 20+ hours each week.
While I'd like to think it's just me, becoming the person at home that I've always been at work, I know it's not true. And the reason I know this?
Yesterday, I asked him to pick me up bread flour. He came home with WHOLE WHEAT. Then he SWEPT THE FLOOR. He took the kids over to the neighbour's and LEFT ME ALONE with some FREE TIME and to top it all off... the scariest of them all... HE DID ALL OUR LAUNDRY. Not just his, mine, the kids, EVERYTHING! Granted, he shrunk 2 of my shirts but still... HE DID ALL OUR LAUNDRY.
So the move didn't just affect me. Therefore I blame the Kitchener water. No, actually I THANK the Kitchener water. I'm not sure what's in you, but I'm turning on the tap for more.
We moved 3 weeks ago. I thought moving was supposed to be stressful and in some ways, it lived up to my expectations. Getting OUT of our old house was stressful. Moving into our new one? It's been the stuff dreams are made of.
Now, the new house has problems. As of this moment we have 3 entry doors and none of them will close properly and therefore, don't lock. We haven't been out of the house as a family in 3 weeks because someone needs to be at home with our stuff. We've had a clogged toilet, were without hot water for 3 days and are still battling the kitty litter that the last tenant (presumably) poured down the tub drain. The floors are so uneven that I've had to shim every single piece of furniture and every window has a problem, it either opens or closes, but it won't do both.
It's a house of horrors and I didn't even have to visit Niagara Falls.
Despite all this, I am calmer, more relaxed and more organized than I have been in my entire life. Case in point: There are 15 loaves of homemade bread cooling on my counter right now, there is a month's worth of school lunch snacks in the freezer and my blog is up-to-date. All our paperwork is filed, I've applied for college and have had time to volunteer 20+ hours each week.
BUT
While I'd like to think it's just me, becoming the person at home that I've always been at work, I know it's not true. And the reason I know this?
It's affecting my husband, too.
Yesterday, I asked him to pick me up bread flour. He came home with WHOLE WHEAT. Then he SWEPT THE FLOOR. He took the kids over to the neighbour's and LEFT ME ALONE with some FREE TIME and to top it all off... the scariest of them all... HE DID ALL OUR LAUNDRY. Not just his, mine, the kids, EVERYTHING! Granted, he shrunk 2 of my shirts but still... HE DID ALL OUR LAUNDRY.
So the move didn't just affect me. Therefore I blame the Kitchener water. No, actually I THANK the Kitchener water. I'm not sure what's in you, but I'm turning on the tap for more.
Drink up!
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