failed

I've failed.

I wanted to change the world. I wanted to support people and be a tower of strength in my community for those who it. I've had this pipe dream that as long as I was taking care of others, I too, would be taken care of.

I''m not changing the world. I'm not strong enough to support anyone else.

I can't take care of others if I can't even take care of myself.

I've failed my family.

O broke tonight. He cried, he asked questions, he begged me to take him home. He fell asleep with a death grip around my neck.

I can't tell my kids where we'll be sleeping tomorrow night because I just don't know.

I'm broken and afraid. My heart has shattered into a million pieces, I'll never be the same.

I just hope I have enough in me to get us through this before it causes irreversible damage to the boys.