Monday, November 25, 2013

My Workout Journal - Nov 18-24

After a few months off TRX after my health scare and pure laziness, I returned last Monday. Holy DOMS, people! I was SO sore the next day... I can lift weights and do cardio for hours and never feel the same as I do after a single TRX workout. I'd tell you what exercises the class consisted of but my eyes were rolling to the back of my head by the time we were finished.

Tuesday I hit up the Cardio Fit class. I used to hate group classes because I'm so awkward and uncoordinated but I've come to love them in the last 6 months. There's always someone in the class that's going a little bit harder than you are so I find it easier to push myself. Plus, the instructors are always so darn happy to be there, it's kinda infectious.

Wednesday was technically my off day but I did level 1 of the 30 Day Shred at home. While my husband watched. That won't be happening again.

Thursday was yoga, my favourite class of the week. 90 minutes of zen. I dig this class so much because there's usually only 4 of us in the room which gives the yogi plenty of time to come around and correct us. I do desperately need to remember to take a sweater on Thursdays, however, as the room we're in is quite chilly.

Friday I got sick. I wasn't feeling too bad early in the evening and we headed over to my sister's house for a movie night. As the evening wore on I got snottier and snottier (TMI?), coughing and generally feeling gross. So gross, I didn't even snack. I know, right?

So the weekend was a bust, filled with germs and such until late Sunday night I got out for an easy 3K jog to fill my aching lungs with some fresh air. I thought I would die from hypothermia, outside running is going to hit the backburner until Spring.

I'm still counting the workout week successful, germs and all!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Chia Willie, Book Swaps and Ironic Kids

I feel a tightening heaviness descending upon my chest. I'm loading up on vitamin c and lemon ginger tea with honey, sugar be damned. I'm sure that creating germ incubating schools was the responsibility of pharmaceutical companies who want us sick all the time. This thought, of course, led me to google conspiracy theories involving big pharma. 10 hours later, my kids begging to go to bed dragged me out of the rabbit hole.

My 7 old is so funny. Months ago, he wanted to buy a Barbie rolling suitcase from the thrift store. His dad wouldn't let him so he picked out a pink Dora one instead. We were out shopping this week and he wanted to buy princess underwear. I ask him why and he replies, "It's funny because I don't even like princesses."

Book swaps are officially the greatest thing in history. Bring in books, leave with new books. WHY ISN"T THIS A THING ALL THE TIME? I've heard of these things called libraries but they're full of rules and fines and I may be wanted in several cities due to unpaid library fines. Oh Librarian, why you gotta hate on my extraordinary procrastination practises?
Conversations with Stan: It's like a giant black hole of limbo from which you can never escape. DH and I are discussing the boys want of knee socks for Christmas, which you have to shop for in the girls section, and Stan pipes in, "Just buy them some long johns."

Me: "But long johns aren't socks."

Stan: "Sure they are. You can cut them off at the knee. Then they'll be manly and not girly."

DH: "But they don't want PANTS, Stan, they want socks. You know, the things that cover your toes and feet?"

Stan: "We didn't wear those until I was almost 30. We wore long johns. Even when it was below 30. You sure knew when your boots were leaking."

Me: "You didn't wear socks at all when you were a kid?"

Stan: "Yes we did. We wore long johns."

I give up.

It's like Movember on steroids all year round! No thanks.

Friday, November 15, 2013

The Roundup

- ohmygosh I've been in a total news hangover for a week. At first, I had fun with the whole Rob Ford thing because I've never been a fan of his and seriously, A MAYOR THAT SMOKES CRACK MUST BE MOCKED but now I'm over the high and I'm just so saddened.  Here's a guy that's openly racist, homophobic, drives drunk, drives while reading, admits to smoking crack and buying drugs while in office and then goes on the radio to talk about how his wife and their bedroom activities OH MY GOD HOW IS TORONTO STILL STANDING? And how on Earth are there still members of Ford Nation? I get it, he's a people guy, a real normal I have problems and I'm not afraid to admit it kind of guy but still people, you're okay with all this?

Get off my TV, radio and out of my head, Mr. Ford. I can't take any more questions from my kids about crack or stupors, I just can't.

- I went to parent-teacher interviews and I love my kids even more than I did before. Mr7's teacher said to me, "He is just so helpful, so friendly, so bighearted. One of the other grade 2 teachers told me I'm so lucky to have him in my class and I agree."

- Took our 50-ish, mullet-ed, camo-wearing neighbour Stan, out on some errands the other day. In line at the surplus store, he starts checking out some slingshots. The man in front of him comments:

Man in line: "Those look like they'd be fun toys."
Stan: "Toys? These aren't toys, they're tools."
Man in line: "What do you use them for?"
Stan: "Hunting squirrels."
Man in line: "Oh. You do that often?"
Stan: "Squirrel is much cheaper than chicken."
Man in line: "Oh yeah? I don't know, I saw chicken on sale for a buck a pound last week!"
Stan: "But squirrel from the backyard is free!"

You know what? This is what happens when I do nice things for people. Also, I think a regular posting on the stuff that happens when I hang out with Stan is in order.

- I've become a giveaway whore. I can't stop entering blog contests. At this point, I'd probably enter your blog contest to win 12 packs of Kool-Aid.

Happy Friday!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Mommy, what is crack?

Being a parent is tough. Not only do you lose sleep and forever lose your ability to sleep in but kids also ask a lot of tough questions.

Why is the sky blue?
How are babies made?
Are there dinosaurs in heaven?
Why do flies like gross smelling stuff?
When are you gonna die?

and of course,

What is crack?

We should probably discuss the answers to the earlier questions someday but for now, I give you the top anti-drug PSA's of all time...

Pee Wee Herman Says No To Crack

They're Not Candy

Clint Eastwood Think Crack Is Whack

And the last one isn't an actual commercial but it could've been an actual commercial made by actual drug users. Just as scary.

Don't Do The Drugs

JACKASS OF THE MONTH - November 2013

Who doesn't like to complain a little? I'd like to introduce you to the kind of blog feature I can really get on board with....

The Jackass of the Month

The Jackass of the Month award is not your average award. This isn't for the jerk that cut you off in traffic this morning or your neighbour using his chainsaw on a Saturday morning, it's reserved for the real jackasses that actually, willfully, make the lives of other people worse on a daily basis.

And the award goes to....


This one goes to the assholes who let their dogs poo on the property of a school and leave it there. For the people who willfully ignore signs that say "No Dogs Allowed".

Do you know what happens when you let your dog shit in a schoolyard?


There's a reason I don't own a dog, I'm smart enough to know that I don't want to clean up another animals poo. Wiping my own ass is enough, thank you very much.

What's worse is these shitty dog owners actually have the nerve to get verbally abusive with caretakers of the school property when confronted about their dog's anal butter. I watched a dog owner as he watched his dog drop some rectal feedback, smile and pull his dog away before he shoved his snout all up in that nasty smelling tootsie roll. I watched a woman in office attire glance around furtively as her 150-lb Mastiff dropped a massive steamer and then started to run, in her heels, away from the scene of the ass sneezing. Another yet, made an attempt to kick some dirt over the doggy sausage her German Shepard annihilated the playground with.


So beware, assholes who let their doggies leave toxic turds on the schoolyard... Parents get mad when their kids come home covered in shit, by-law officers come patrolling at random hours of the day and you never know who will be taking pictures...

*I can't take credit for all these wonderful, shitty words although I wish I could. Many thanks to Brenna Lorenz for compiling the Poop Thesaurus.

You'll find a Jackass of the Month Submission Form at the bottom of this blog... nominate your favourite asshole today!