Thursday, November 21, 2013

Chia Willie, Book Swaps and Ironic Kids

I feel a tightening heaviness descending upon my chest. I'm loading up on vitamin c and lemon ginger tea with honey, sugar be damned. I'm sure that creating germ incubating schools was the responsibility of pharmaceutical companies who want us sick all the time. This thought, of course, led me to google conspiracy theories involving big pharma. 10 hours later, my kids begging to go to bed dragged me out of the rabbit hole.

My 7 old is so funny. Months ago, he wanted to buy a Barbie rolling suitcase from the thrift store. His dad wouldn't let him so he picked out a pink Dora one instead. We were out shopping this week and he wanted to buy princess underwear. I ask him why and he replies, "It's funny because I don't even like princesses."

Book swaps are officially the greatest thing in history. Bring in books, leave with new books. WHY ISN"T THIS A THING ALL THE TIME? I've heard of these things called libraries but they're full of rules and fines and I may be wanted in several cities due to unpaid library fines. Oh Librarian, why you gotta hate on my extraordinary procrastination practises?
Conversations with Stan: It's like a giant black hole of limbo from which you can never escape. DH and I are discussing the boys want of knee socks for Christmas, which you have to shop for in the girls section, and Stan pipes in, "Just buy them some long johns."

Me: "But long johns aren't socks."

Stan: "Sure they are. You can cut them off at the knee. Then they'll be manly and not girly."

DH: "But they don't want PANTS, Stan, they want socks. You know, the things that cover your toes and feet?"

Stan: "We didn't wear those until I was almost 30. We wore long johns. Even when it was below 30. You sure knew when your boots were leaking."

Me: "You didn't wear socks at all when you were a kid?"

Stan: "Yes we did. We wore long johns."

I give up.

It's like Movember on steroids all year round! No thanks.

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